I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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