You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
