So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
