Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
