I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
