3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
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you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
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He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.