peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
