I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
And then he peed in my hair
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