You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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