it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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