I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
