Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
