Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize