he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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