24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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