Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
