the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
