I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
