used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
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