Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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