Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
