I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
