did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am midnight drunk by noon
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?