That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
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You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on