i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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