We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
