I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
People in love make me want to vomit
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
