idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.