New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
