Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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