I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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