Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
