The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
