fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
