TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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