Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
