Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
