new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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