It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
