I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
