I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
