Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(705): View more from Ontario

last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends

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(765): View more from Indiana

I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"

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(831): View more from California

I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.

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(330): View more from Ohio

just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.

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(512): View more from Texas

I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...

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(480): View more from Arizona

At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.

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