like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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