Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
