Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
