I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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