I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
