i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
