I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
