New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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