You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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