I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
