it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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