And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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