I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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