My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize