"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
