i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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