how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you have to choose: penises or morals?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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