just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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