she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
