You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
