she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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