Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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