can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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