Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
