First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
