i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
