He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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