Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
