I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
