I think my vagina is haunted
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
