Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I got inside last night via doggy door
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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