I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
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there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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