Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
