oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
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I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
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How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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