if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
