Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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