oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
