I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
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I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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