i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
