Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
