allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
