Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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