My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
