Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
